This is so sad…

          Thad slid into the cemetery after everyone left, walking slowly to the dark, fresh earth signifying the new grave.  He sniffed and rubbed his nose, standing at the side of the grave, looking down. 

“Dwight,” he breathed.  “Dwight, I want to talk to you,” he said quietly.

He took a breath and sat down on the frozen dirt, folding his legs up.  “I want you to know, that… I want you to know that I hate you for leaving me,” he said softly, eyes starting to tear.  “For leaving before I could apologize.  I hate you for your last word to me being ‘asshole’.  I hate that you didn’t believe me when I said it would get better.  But I, I don’t hate you, Dwight.  I could never hate you, and I never, never wanted you to die.  God, I miss you so much already…” he took a breath and wiped his eyes, feeling the tears chill on his cheeks.

He slid over and sat closer to the stone, trying to cut down on the frozen breeze.  He shivered and pulled out a picture of Dwight and Alan he’d taken from Dwight’s house before blowing it sky high.  “I got this from your house,” he said, holding it up to the stone, then to the sky, looking up.  “I got this, and I know you and Alan are in heaven together now.  I hope—” he sobs softly, covering his mouth a moment.  “I hope you tell him I say hello.  That I really loved his brother.”  He shook, tears filling his eyes, and he had to look down again, his tears falling on the cold ground.

He cleared his throat, though he couldn’t open his eyes for a bit, and just lay against the stone with Dwight’s name in it.  Thad ran his fingers against it, hiccupping slightly.  “You remember when we cuddled and watched Supernatural, and…I felt so safe with you, like you’d save me from everything.  I wish, I really wish I could have done the same for you.  I failed you, God…”  Thad’s chest burned at his words.  “I failed you and I will never forgive myself.  I said I’d be there for you always, and I just wasn’t.  I’m so sorry.”  Thad put his arm around the stone, but quickly retracted.  It was cold, hard.  Not like Dwight.  Not like warm, beautiful Dwight who looked perfect even with his eye swollen shut, or with his broken nose.

Thad shook his head to clear it.  “Shit.”  He covered his mouth, then laughed softly, though it turned into more tears.  “I keep forgetting you don’t like cursing, silly me…”  He drew up his knees and lay against the stone again, tracing his fingers on his name.  “I’m so sorry this world was so hard on you.  But thank you for protecting it so selflessly,” he whispered.  “And for protecting me.  For calling me princess,” he laughed shakily, more tears falling.  “I hope where you are in your heaven now, that you get all the luxuries they have to offer.  Tell the angels I said hello, I know I won’t get to meet them, but tell them they’re doing a great job, and they won’t have to ever worry, because they have you now.”

He looked at the picture of Dwight, one of the few times he’d ever seen him smiling.  “You’re so beautiful, all the way through,” he said softly, looking up at the partly cloudy sky again.  “You’ll never hurt again.  I’m so happy that you won’t ever feel pain again,” he said, face soaked with cold tears at this point.  “I wish I could see you again.  I hope you don’t mind but I’m keeping this, this picture.  I’ll bring it with me every time I visit though.” 

At this point Thad had been there for a half an hour, and his bones were frozen.  With a chattering jaw, he pressed a small, cold kiss on the stone.  “You silly boy,” he whispered, patting the stone.  He pulled out a paper from his pocket, along with a sharp bit of stone, and carved protective symbols all around it.  He stood and touched his hand against the top before slipping back into the dimming light, crunching over the frozen grass.

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6. blackwidowsss said: OH GOD MY HEART
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   oh god

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